the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
