Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
