I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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