At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Rumble strips road head = magical
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
