I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
