Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
