Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
