Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
