I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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