you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
