a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
