Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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