we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
