SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
