Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
