I'm really into asian looking animals
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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