No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
