East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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