Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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