So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
