Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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