Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
