If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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