lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
