Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
