Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
