I just pynch a tree in the face
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
