while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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