Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
