it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
