I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
