I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
this just has baby written all over it
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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