she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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