if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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