I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
