No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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