it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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