we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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