The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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