last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
