You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
