I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
