happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
