haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
