No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
