So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just had sex on a roof
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
