I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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