girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
