She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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