Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
