He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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