We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
